Meeting of the Mentor: How the Right Guide Prepares You to Lead

The familiar smoky burn of whiskey keeps you company as you sit at your kitchen table, in the dark, and revel in the few moments of stolen silence before you will inevitably need to make your way up to bed. The kids are bathed and tucked in, the dog is fed, and your partner is upstairs. You linger at the table in the hopes that she will fall asleep. You have no desire to continue the fight from this morning, and judging by the terse comments during dinner, she has plenty more to say. Staring at the whiskey bottle, you realize that it’s almost three-quarters gone. It’s only Tuesday, and you bought this bottle on Sunday. As you polish off the last swig in your glass, you think, I can’t keep going like this. Something has got to change. 

You reach into your pocket and pull out your cellphone. Before you can stop yourself, it’s ringing. A noticeable weight lifts slightly off your shoulders as the reliable voice on the other end answers, “Hi, Son.” 

“Hey, Dad.” 

Welcome to the Meeting of the Mentor. 

You’ve decided to change, but now what? The decision is always the first step, but what comes after is often where many get stumped. It’s the point where thoughts like “I am who I am” start to emerge. You want change, but you don’t know how to create it. What you need is a guide, someone who has walked the path before you. 

The archetype of the mentor arrives to help give you direction and purpose. They assist in breaking you free of the stalemate that happens when you finally throw open the door but realize you have no idea where you’re going. Such as in The Matrix, when Neo is presented with the choice to conform to the stifling corporate structure or break free of it. His boss gives him a choice: show up on time or find another job. He knows he can no longer continue on the path he’s been on. When that internal realization happens, a phone arrives via FedEx. On the other end is Morpheus, who tries to guide him out of the building, but Neo doesn’t fully trust Morpheus yet and therefore ends up giving himself over to the agents. He’s still not ready to cross the threshold. 

“I can only show you the door, you’re the one who has to walk through it.” - Morpheus

Did you imagine that the fear of change would simply disappear as soon as your mentor arrived on the scene? Mentors indeed play a critical role in providing the necessary information and, in some cases, training, to nudge you forward on the journey. But it’s also important to note that they cannot cross that threshold for you. Only point towards the correct door. This may look like a trusted friend, teacher, or parent who offers advice when you reach out to consult them on matters such as leaving your job or your marriage. They cannot quit your job for you; they can only provide wisdom and guidance based on their experience or expertise. The hard part arrives when you actually have to take their advice and put it into action. 

A word of caution before you plunge ahead: make sure you are using your intuition and not being misled. 

Many false guides are masquerading as “mentors” when really all they will do is lead you astray. The true test of a mentor is whether they are virtuously aligned. Whether what they say stems from a place of wisdom and goodwill for all, such as Gandalf, who seeks to serve and save Middle-earth, or Morpheus, who wants to destroy the Matrix and free humanity. They have a higher alignment. This is often why people seek counsel from pastors or community elders and not John down the street with two divorces and a drinking problem. Not that John can’t have a helpful insight now and again. Even the archetype of the Fool can shine a light on hidden truths otherwise unseen, but the mentor will be someone learned. A master of the strange new world you’re about to step into. 

Here is the point in the journey where you must start to hone your sense of discernment. Is the person offering advice and guidance a true mentor who speaks from a place of knowledge and wisdom, or a charlatan looking to misguide and profit off of you? Or perhaps, they are just a fool spouting nonsense, and like a game of Wack-a-mole, manage to hit the truth on the head once in a while? What many don’t realize is that the mentor archetype doesn’t necessarily have to be a single person but can also be represented by an institution. In tarot, there is a card called the Hierophant or sometimes the High Priest. This card can often be interpreted as the facilitator of higher knowledge. It can be the mystery school, university, or other such organization that initiates the hero into the next stage of their journey. Institutions can also be corrupt and misguided or perhaps they hold the very key to new worlds and opportunities that you would never have otherwise known existed. Discernment, dear hero, is critical at this stage. You do not want to be devoured by the wolf masquerading as a good-natured sheep. 

This is a vulnerable position to be in. 

You are about to cross the threshold into the unknown, and you have no way of truly knowing if the mentor standing before you is a Gandalf or an Honest John (the mischievous fox from Pinocchio who convinces the naive puppet-boy to quit school in pursuit of the “easy life” as an actor). It’s characters such as these that you need to watch out for, especially in those times when the true mentor is out of reach, as they never walk the entire path with you. In fact, it’s often important that they don’t. They are simply guides, offering up information as needed, but you must hone your own intuition; otherwise, you will never be able to spot the difference between an Honest John and a Gandalf.  

Transcending the mentor is one of the inevitable outcomes of a true journey. It should happen that as you traverse your path, you will step into a higher version of yourself that surpasses your mentor. This occurs in The Matrix when Neo ascends to his god-like version. He no longer needs Morpheus to guide him through the new world because he has mastered it himself. At the climax of the film, Neo rescues Morpheus from the agents. This is a necessary step in the process, as Neo could not ascend and accept himself as the chosen one without first accepting that Morpheus is not infallible.

The fall of the mentor is critical for the hero to rise.

You must eventually see the mentor as not a god-like figure, but as a mortal. Just as children eventually surpass their parents, the hero surpasses the mentor. Ultimately, this is the goal. Your intuition will be sharpened into a flaming sword of Truth, and you will no longer require a mentor. At least, not until you decide to traverse into the next strange and unusual world. But first, you must cross the threshold into this one, and your mentor will be the guiding lamplight you’ll require to illuminate the path that lies ahead.

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